I've been really struggling lately with my role on GCN (www.gaychristian.net).

I want to do a quick re-cap of something before saying what's on my heart.

On GCN there are two distinct "camps" as it were.


Side A
Side A represents the vast majority of GCN. Approximately 95% to 98%. These are men and women whose study of the Bible has led them to believe that God does not condemn homosexuality in the context of a committed monogamous relationship. They still hold (for the most part) to the Scriptural view that sex is a gift from God, and that gift is to be part of a marriage relationship (and not before). Just as any conservative Christian would say in the heterosexual context. People on Side A attend a wide variety of churches from Catholic to Anglican to MCC to Presbyterian to Eastern Orthodox traditions (some of which would be gay affirming churches while some are not).

Even if the denominations or traditions they are part of do not agree with homosexuality, that is where they call home.

Others have had to move to other churches where they could be affirmed in their homosexuality.

Side B
Then there's Side B. This group makes up only about 2% to 5% of the population of GCN but are welcomed and affirmed on GCN as much as their Side A sisters and brothers.

These men and women label themselves as gay. They are not tying to overcome their homosexuality (as I had for 20 years). They embrace their orientation. But they also hold to a very traditional view of Scripture. They believe that sexual acts are reserved for marriage (just as Side A people do) but they hold to the traditional view that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman. The "traditional clobber passages" in Scripture that speak of the condemnation of homosexuality… these people would agree with those passages.

And as such, Side B people are committed to a life of celibacy. Numerous Catholics and Eastern Orthodox Christians are part of Side B, as are people from other Protestant traditions.

I should point out that Side B differs from what is called Side X -- or the whole "ex-gay" movement… where homosexuality needs to be overcome, eradicated, and removed, and gradually and eventually replaced by the heterosexual reality that is innate inside every human being.

Side B people, as I said above, don't live that anymore. They accept and affirm themselves as gay men and lesbians. They're not looking to change.

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OK, so back in October 2008 when I posted this, I asked "Which do you think I am?"

Well, I'm Side B. My convictions have not waned since I came to GCN almost a year ago now (May 1, 2008).

This is where my journey has taken me...


Three years ago, I was still very much "ex-gay" (Side X). If you had asked me what I thought of "gay Christians" (and at that time the only thing I would have known about was "pro-gay theology" [what I suppose I would now call Side A]), I would have told you that they weren't even Christians at all. I would have doubted their very salvation, and would have said they were all going to hell.

Truly, three years ago, I would have said that.

Eighteen months ago, I suddenly became Side B (even though I still didn't know what Side B was, nor had I even heard of GCN yet). And I became acquainted with someone who obviously loved the Lord with his whole heart, but who was married to his same-sex partner. It rocked my world. Previously, my only contact with "gay Christians" had been in either an MCC or another "very liberal and barely Christian mainline denomination".

So, here I was... would I doubt or even deny "J's" salvation? Would I say he wasn't a Christian and was going to hell? I couldn't say that anymore. I might still doubt his salvation, but I could see his love for the Lord. All I knew was that it wasn't for me to judge. All I knew was that HE'S WRONG and he obviously is being duped by the devil.

That is what I would have said 18 months ago.

Two months ago, I went to the GCN conference. And I stood there worshipping and praising and singing and "shouting amens!" and praying alongside the very people I had been condemning to hell just three years earlier.

Now I know beyond any doubt, these people are my brothers and sisters in Christ (and I know that at least two of you are reading this right now, as Side A members of GCN who have a LiveJournal).

And I love you all. It's my joy and privilege to call you my brothers and sisters.

But where does that leave me? I mean, if I'm saying I'm Side B, does that mean I still think "THEY'RE WRONG!"? That almost sounds too harsh now. But if I have to examine my heart in all this, then the answer (for me personally) is yes, "they're wrong"...

So now I throw this question out... where can Christians agree to disagree and where can't we (i.e. where do people follow the Scriptural command to "break fellowship"?)

Immersion baptist or sprinkling (of infants even, egad!) There are plenty of both of those people in the world (both on GCN as gay Christians and in the "straight world" as well. If you take it in starkest terms, somebody's right and somebody's wrong. Aren't they? And yet we have fellowship with each other.

Transubstantiation, consubstantiation, memorial feast... all these views of the Lord's Supper. Plenty of all of these people. Somebody's right and somebody's gotta be wrong. Aren't they? And yet we have fellowship with each other.

We agree to disagree on things like this. I wouldn't see a need to break fellowship with people as a result (although I know a man who has... he says that if you're not immersed as an adult, you aren't a Christian. Period. End of discussion... and he won't have anything to do with you and you are going to hell!)

But I start to wonder... are there areas (like, say, the whole question of sexuality) where there should be a "break fellowship"? I don't know. Again, I'm risking sounding very harsh, but this is where I am right now. 1 Corinthians 5 lists a bunch of different "wicked people" (and sexually immoral peole are among them on the list) and says "If someone calls himself a brother and yet does these things, do not even eat with such a man."

This past week there was a very divisive post by someone on GCN, saying they feel sorry for Side B people and when are we going to "come to our senses" and move over to Side A. It was very angry and unkind.

And yet, when Side B people stand up for ourselves and hold to the traditional, conservative view of Scripture and condemn same-sex "sex", we're the ones seen as the bad guys.

I've begun to feel like a second-class citizen on GCN, and I'm almost ready to walk away.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

So... not a long post this time, but an important one.

After returning from the GCN conference in California, I had a really good chat by phone with one of the guys I met there.

I shared some of my story with him, how I had spent fifteen long years in therapy, counselling, ex-gay ministries, support groups, you name it, begging God to make me straight... in an attempt to "fix me."

The conference helped me realize... there wasn't anything to fix. I didn't need to be fixed.

And I'm so glad I'm not on that hamster wheel anymore.

It's been a couple months since my last entry... but that's about to change.

I atteneded the GCN (gaychristian.net) conference in Anaheim, California last week. A whole week in the sun and surf (and Disneyland). Made so many new friends from all over the world... guys just like me -- people who love Jesus Christ with their whole lives, and who are also gay.

I even dare to say I met "someone special" while there too... we'll have to see.

But I've got so much to tell and share. So there'll be more posts now.

On Saturday, October 4, I went to a Scrabble tournament in Cambridge for the day and then drove into Waterloo to meet up with six people (five guys and a woman) from GCN (gaychristian.net). We went out for supper and chatted for awhile. Then five of us went back to one guy's office to pray for and with each other. What a great blessing.

It's kinda neat... six people from GCN (the woman isn't from GCN and in fact, not even a Christian. Of the six of us, one is very staunch "Side B", one is "undecided" and the other five very much "Side A".

And yet it's obvious how much love for the Lord there is in that room and how much we all felt the Spirit present with us.

On Thanksgiving Monday, I drove to the Kitchener/Waterloo area to meet up with some of the same guys from GCN. This time there were just four of us. Everyone piled into my car and we headed up to the quaint Mennonite village of St. Jacobs.

The four of us walked around some hiking trails for a good part of the afternoon, with "S" (the same "S" mentioned in my recent post celebrating my one year anniversary) and "D" taking a few dozen pictures. Then out for "real" Chinese food (not like a Mandarin buffet at all!) and then back to D's apartment for fruit smoothies, cake, and a time of prayer again.

I just can't say enough how blessed I am to have these guys in my life. For years I figured I had to be the only "conservative theology" Christian gay guy in the world. I'm not. Not by a long shot.

So now I'm trying to figure out when I'm going to Waterloo again. Funny you know... there are at least five active GCN members in Waterloo... and yet only one or two of us in Toronto (with 10x the population).

I'm so happy.