graperonto

NCOD approaches!

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:57:21 GMT

This Sunday, October 11, will mark the second anniversary of my coming out of the closet. I've never been so happy in all my life. I still can't fathom how or why I spent so many years I spent in denial, self-hatred, and self-rejection.

But not anymore.

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone!

Back from Portland - Lovesick puppy...

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:05:56 GMT

OK, so I'm back home in Toronto after a five-day trip to Portland, Oregon.

I went to the GCN (gaychristian.net) Pacific Northwest regional gathering. What a beautiful city (and surrounding area).

Went to Multnomah Falls (absolutely breathtaking), the Oregon coast (Cannon Beach) and all around downtown Portland.

There were about 30 people there (all male except for a lesbian couple) from all over Oregon, Washington, British Columbia... and a handful of us from across the continent.

And uh... I'm smitten. One of the guys out there has stolen my heart. Now what? I went down this road last year (just before Lake George). But last year it wasn't mutual when I had a major crush on someone... this time it just might be more mutual...

Sigh. These things aren't supposed to happen.

1. I'm Side B. I can't get into a relationship!
2. He's in another country and on the other side of the continent.

I'm a love-sick puppy.

Internet... Cell phone....

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 10:51:25 GMT

I’ve been thinking a lot about my cell phone usage and my internet usage lately.

I have FIDO as my cell phone provider. I called their customer service centre last night and got some really good information.

I have a “pay as you go” plan, where I typically buy at $10.00 phone card every month. I pay 30 cents a minute (paid by the minute – thus, a five-second call is billed as one minute). I also pay 15 cents for every text message sent to cell phones in Canada, and 25 cents for every text message sent to U.S. (or international) cell phones. Received text message from Canada or the U.S. are free.

If I am on vacation in the U.S., the cost of using my phone is ridiculous (over $2.00 a minute because of the roaming charges) and 75 cents per text message, regardless of whether or not I'm texting to Canada or the U.S.

All that sounds pretty exorbitant, but I use my cell phone for emergencies only, so it served me well.

As of late, however, I've been texting people, especially American friends, much more frequenly, costing me a quarter a pop.

So...

FIDO has two different “flat fee” text message plans (that can be activated or deactivated as often as I wish) where I would pay 50 cents per day, and send unlimited text messages within Canada, or a second plan, independent of the first, where I can send up to 15 text messages per day to U.S. phone numbers for 50 cents a day.

As such, with the Canadian plan, after three text messages in one day, the rest are “free” so to speak. With the U.S. plan, after two text messages in a day, the rest are “free” so to speak.

This American plan might be a worthwhile investment. I’m going to look into it.

With regard to my internet usage, I currently have the “bare bones” DSL internet option with Bell Canads (Sympatico), where I pay $29.95 a month.

Some of you know and others don't that I have a timer/filter on my computer that restricts the amount of time I can spend on line, and at what time of day. My friend John asked me if I'm really getting my money's worth paying $30.00 a month if I'm only going to have such a tight rein on my Internet usage.

So... I called Bell Sympatico's customer service centre last night (and got Harsheesh... Bell CANADA's help line is in India or Pakistan).

The one question the rep couldn't answer for me is whether or not I'm locked into some sort of contract with my Internet provider. I seem to recall that I'm on a two-year contract, which would mean I have to wait until January 2010.

Regardless... I wanted to find out what other options might be available. I did some website searching before calling.

I mused with the idea of considering switching back to dial-up (eek!) and find out how much it would cost me. As it turns out, dial-up with Sympatico is $26.95 a month – just three dollars less than dial-up. Obviously that’s not the way to go.

I inquired what the cost would be just to have a Sympatico e-mail address (and look elsewhere for a service provider, be it dial-up or high speed). That would be $10.00 a month.

Before coming to Sympatico, my service provider was Juno, and that cost me a mere $10.00 a YEAR (but on dial-up). I am going to look up that information and find out if it’s considerably cheaper.

I’ll keep you posted. Right now, that savings might be worth it, or it might not.

A "date"?

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:11:40 GMT

On Friday after work, I will be meeting “Person X” downtown Toronto for supper.

After supper, “Person X” and I will be going to the theatre to see “The Sound of Music” together.

After the play, “Person X” and I are going out for dessert.

After dessert, “Person X” and I will return back to my apartment, where “Person X” will spend the night.

I am in no way related to “Person X” (by blood, that is), nor is “Person X” of a completely different generation than I am. In fact, I met “Person X” on the internet.

Does that sound like a “date” to you?

Bridging the Gap

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:23:59 GMT

My blog entry for today is actually part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers posting simultaneously today on the topic “Bridging the Gap” between various groups of people on the topic of faith and sexuality. I would encourage you to check out the host blog (and the links to all the other synchro-bloggers). Go to http://www.btgproject.blogspot.com

Among the people who are blogging today are Christians and non-Christians, both gay and straight. Among the gay Christians, there are people who support Side A, Side B, and/or Side X. (I’ve discussed that terminology in previous entries here on my LiveJournal). For those of you who found my blog through the host BTG site, you can scroll back through all my blog entries on Scrabble and find other entries regarding my faith journey).

The base question is this: “How can we embody mutual honour and respect in our conversations and relationships with those with whom we disagree on the topic of homosexuality?”

I am an openly gay man who holds to a Side B belief (i.e. I affirm my orientation to be homosexual and still hold the conservative/traditional view of the bible, wherein I believe that sexual intercourse is a gift from God, reserved exclusively for a married couple, and no one else – and further that marriage is a gift from God, reserved exclusively for one man and one woman, and no one else.

As such, as you can well imagine, I am in a very small minority in the gay Christian community (let alone the gay community as a whole).

Some of my dearest and closest friendships have been made with Side A gay Christians on GCN (http://www.gaychristian.net ). I had a post here on my LiveJournal a few months ago in which I said that even three years ago, I would have said those people were all condemned to hell. How arrogant on my part that was! Yes, I (still) disagree with their theology but I have journeyed alongside these brothers and sisters in Christ (yes, that is what they are!) and count it a privilege to call them my friends. Heck, I’ve even had my own theology challenged from time to time and am grateful for it.

I’m really blessed to be part of GCN (as mentioned above). The leadership there (Hi Justin!) often takes great pains to make sure that both Side A and Side B are full partners in this online ministry. Not easy at all when you consider that the “balance” of Side A and Side B is actually about 95% to 5% (in Side A’s favour). But bridges are being built there. As I said, my closest GCN friends aren’t even the other few Side B’ers I know, but Side A’ers.

The Church (capital-C) today is truly in a quandary. Even as a Side B’er, I’m often misunderstood by churches. They somehow assume that even by the very fact that I affirm my orientation as homosexual that I’m already living in grievous sin. It’s pretty difficult to educate churches on this matter. Heaven knows that even I used to see only two possible options – (1) pray the gay away or (2) totally embrace pro-gay theology. Neither seemed plausible to me. I tried option #1 for 15 years to no avail. I sometimes wish that I could sit down with church pastors in various denominations that I’ve been a part of – denominations that would only affirm the “ex-gay” (Side X) stance and nothing else (read: “pray the gay away”) and tell them my story. That’s where the first bridge needs to be built. I’m willing to bet that these churches as well believe that my two options listed above are the only possible ones. If they heard my story, maybe they’d understand there’s a “third way” (i.e. “Side B”). But that’s a long time coming, no doubt.

I can barely imagine how many other men and women there are sitting in conservative churches and who have “suffered in silence” and have never been able to share their “struggle” or “journey” with anyone. It makes me weep. It’s a story that needs to be told. Far too often, sadly, what happens is that the person walks away from faith altogether. One of my closest gay Scrabble friends did just that – grew up in a solid Christian home, came out of the closet, and has since completely rejected his Christian faith. Way too sad. How do I act as part of the solution so that this doesn’t happen with other gay Christians?

How do we tear down those walls? Last time I looked in the Yellow Pages, Joshua and his trumpets weren’t available! LOL!

It starts with an open and willing heart. And probably an addiction to caffeine (i.e. meeting for coffee!) Being purposeful of choosing to make the time, sitting down, and journeying with people. I tell my story and engage them in hearing theirs. Iron sharpens iron, right? Where is that? Somewhere in Proverbs, likely.

I confess, however, that I used to be guilty of finger-pointing at my Side A brothers and sisters because I don’t agree not only with their theology but with their relationships (i.e. monogamous same-sex marriages). But, to quote a Side B sister of mine on “that’s wall terminology.” Boundaries might be proper, but walls never are.

I remember one year at Advent, while lighting the candle for “peace” having a pastor say from the pulpit these words, VERBATIM: “You’re either part of the solution or you’re part of the problem. What are you, a peacemaker or a shit disturber?” I kid you not. The pastor actually said those exact words from the pulpit.

I came out of the closet a little more than 18 months ago at the age of 39. Since then, I’ve had to be purposeful in being part of the solution.

I know that at least two Side A GCN’ers have LiveJournals and are reading this. Hear me, brothers. There needs to be more solutions and fewer problems. Let’s journey together. Let iron sharpen iron. Two are better than one (Ecclesiastes). Let’s bridge the gap.

Update...

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 23:36:15 GMT

OK, so now there's a new twist to what I just wrote about earlier today.

I got home from work this afternoon and there's a message on my home answering machine from my doctor's office.

For the first time in my life, I have high cholesterol. And my doctor wants to see me back in his office next week or the week after at the latest. I've never had problems with my cholesterol my whole life... but now it's high.

First I have to radically change my diet just to help me sleep better and be more alert during the day... and now, well, it looks like it'll be double whammy.

Ain't turning 40 lovely? For those of you who haven't yet... look out!

Major changes in my life... IMMEDIATELY

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:33:46 GMT

So, I've made a pretty radical decision. I've been absolutely exhausted the last few months. No matter how early I get to bed, I don't get enough sleep.

If I go to bed early, then I'll wake up at 3:00am and not get back to sleep. Or sometimes, I'll just go to bed and toss and turn for hours and not fall sleep until the wee hours, and not get enough sleep. Then I'm tired and sluggish all day at work.

After consulting with my GP, there are two things that are taking place.

First, I'm on medication that will help me sleep. It's part muscle relaxant and part anti-depressant (and not habit-forming either).

Second, and this is the bigger one: I need to radically and totally change my eating habits... in major ways.

1. No more fast food. None. Zip. No Mickey Dee's, no pizza, no KFC, no fast food. Period.

2. I'm going to cut pop (soda) out of my diet completely, and in particular caffeinated ones (Pepsi). I'll be drinking a lot more water. A LOT more water.

3. No more junk food, especially greasy foods like potato chips (and for those of you who know me well, this will be a big sacrifice – I love chips!) Same thing with most cookies and other junk like that.

4. A LOT more fruit and vegetables. It’ll mean extra prep time making meals, but I’ve got to make some big changes in my diet.

The Pepsi is being cut out immediately. The rest of all those foods I’m weaning myself off of until what I have in the house is eaten up. Then everything changes.

Happy Birthday Garfield!!

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:24:36 GMT

Anyone who has known me long enough will know that I'm a big fan of Garfield comic strips.

Today, June 19, is Garfield's birthday. He's 31 years old... not bad for a cat, eh?

The unthinkable has happened in the last year. Jon Arbuckle, the nerdy eternal bachelor has a girlfriend!! Simply amazing. I'm actually hoping it lasts.

Here's to another 30 years Garfield... Jon... Odie... Pooky (the teddy bear)... Liz (Jon's girlfriend)... and all the rest!

Another sleepy dusty delta Day...

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:52:26 GMT

It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty, delta day...

Anyone else know the musical reference to that line? It's one of TWO songs that use "The third of June" as its opening line...

Can anyone name them? Come on Andy, you run music trivia... you ought to know these...

Scrabble Backlog

Sat, 23 May 2009 23:00:55 GMT

Well over a year ago, possibly close to two, I started suffering from severe Scrabble burnout. I was studying upwards of 1,500 flashcards a day, and if I ever got behind, it became unmanageable. I was behind in my studying for my seminary degree and, quite basically, was doing nothing else but study Scrabble non-stop, even late into the evening just to keep up. And, as I say, I burnt out.

I had to make the difficult decision to move almost 7,000 cards into what became called "the backlog". I took all the cards I had with a "5" or "7" at the bottom (that's part of my study system for those you who aren't Scrabblers), put them in a box and put them aside. The vast majority of them were four- and five-letter words, along with some of the JQXZ six-letter words.

Back in January 2009, I decided that the time had come to start sorting through those cards and start gradually reintegrating all those cards back into my study system. I added about five cards a day all through January to May. I realized that I would take me well into 2010 to reintegrate all the cards. And since I was already adding new bingos to the mix as well, it would become unmanageable again before the reintegration was complete.

So, starting June 1, I will be taking a new tack on the backlog.

I sorted all the cards into five different groups: three-letter words (about 300 cards), four-letter words (about 1,500 cards), five-letter words (more than 5,000 cards), four-voweled sixes (about 100 cards), and JQXZ sixes (about 700 cards). I also found a grand total of seven cards that were bingos. Those seven bingos I added back in right away.

Then came the decision of how to integrate these cards back, and at what rate.

Starting June 1, I'll start with the threes. Integrating five cards a day, it'll take just two months for all those cards to be put back into the system.

Then I'll put the sixes back in, again at about five cards a day. That'll take me to December 2009. That'll just leave the fours and fives.

I should note for my non-Scrabble readers that the vast majority of the three-, four-, and five-letter words are already in my study system. I used to know them all cold (even the fives). But some of these words I haven't seen in two years, and I really have forgotten most of them. Working the JumbleTime puzzles does help, mind you.

So we'll have to see what I do in 2010 with the rest of this backlog. I'll likely "further sort" the fours and fives, starting with the ones with JQXZ, and then the high-fives, and go from there... but again, we'll have to see.

I'll be glad when I graduate from seminary next May (2010) and then can devote more time to Scrabble in all its forms (i.e. working on more than just my word study). But I've made the conscious decision to focus on what I'm doing for now.

Writer's Block: Same Name

Tue, 19 May 2009 17:32:00 GMT

Have you ever met or known someone who has the same name as you (first and last) but is not a relative?

View 500 Answers

Yes. Two in fact. The first was on ICQ about a decade ago. He was a member of the Screen Actors' Guild (SAG) and lived in California. We're about the same age too.

The second is a college kid (so 20 years younger than I am) who put me on his friend list on Facebook.

Oshawa tourney recap

Mon, 18 May 2009 23:19:50 GMT

I have to admit that I’m pretty pleased with my results of the Oshawa tournament this weekend.

After finishing last at Silly Saturday in Mississauga last weekend, and losing 90 rating points, I felt like I really needed to have a solid performance this weekend or I would have seriously considered taking that extended sabbatical from Scrabble again...

I finished 8-4 +417, taking 3rd place and pocketing $75.00. Not bad at all.

Game 1 – Anna Miransky

My outrageous phony of the tourney came in game one. My rack was DEEOSX? The only seven I saw initially was EXpOSED. It wouldn't play. After several minutes, I played DesOX(I)ES* through an open I. Both Anna and I knew that DESOXY was good. She didn't even hold the play. I got some good chuckles when the Outrageous Phony prize was announced for my division but andysaunders took the prize with his NONDEAL*. (The question is... DEAL or NONDEAL*!) I also bingoed with TREATED Anna challenged RAThOLE late in the game. I already had a 200-point lead at that time. 1-0, 482-255.

Game 2 – Trevor Sealy

Trevor and I had a close game until I bingoed with (R)IVETING. I should have played EVITING, hooking the G to the top of RIDE. I then bingoed with INSTROKE later. Trevor emptied the bag with six tiles on my rack and I went out with CROUTE. 2-0, 376-353.

Game 3 – Andy Saunders

This was the game where I shot myself in the foot. At turn three my rack was AAEJST? SEAJAnT would have played, but instead I chose to play JAG for 233 points leaving AEST? figuring I'll get a better bingo on my next turn! YEAH RIGHT! On my next rack AEESTY?, YEASTED wouldn't play and played off YEA for 24, leaving me with EST?. I proceeded to draw nothing but junk consonants (not even one vowel) for eight more racks, trading four times. It was somewhere in the middle of that I burst out saying, "Can't I get f***ing lucky just once?" I wasn't until turn 13 that I played OUTEaTS. But by then Andy had more than a 100-point lead. I wrote at the top of my score sheet: "JUST PLAY. SH** HAPPENS." 2-1, 305-424.

Game 4 – Steve Ozorio

Steve used to be a 1700 player but doesn't study much (if at all) anymore and has dropped into the 1300-1400 range (but doesn't belong in Division 2). He ultimately won the tournament. I bingo early with ANNELID and then DILATION (he blocked my other bingo – CONIDIAL). The score at turn 10 was 280-279. But then I attempted VERID* which Steve challenged. And while I drew nothing but consonants the rest of the game, Steve made plays of 30+ four turns in a row. 2-2, 350-428.

Game 5 – Lisa Kessler

A tough opponent whom I have beaten at club but never in a tournament. I held Lisa on NABE and ROPEY but let both go (good thing, they're both good). I played QUAG early in the game in the bottom left corner of the board. Lisa extended it to QUAGMIRED* for 66, which I did not challenge. The game was tight until then, but the Lisa ran away with it. Had I challenged, who knows. 2-3, 315-406.

Game 6 – Maddy Palazzo

I bingo first with ENTREAT and she comes right back with SHEETING. I drop an "x bomb" with PIX for 59, and then REALIsE for 64. With VERY good tiles left in the bag, I still elected to empty the bag, playing EVZON(E) for 28, giving me a 95-point lead. Mad's final rack is DINORP?. PONIARD would have played but she didn't know the word. She attempted ORPINeD* which I challenged off and then went out. 3-3, 427-298.

Game 7 – Kevin Turner

One of my favourite opponents. Kevin studies probably as much as I do, so I know his word knowledge is solid. I open with GRAPH for 30 and he plays HADJEE from my H for 34. My next rack is FISHED? I didn't see either bingo DEAFISH or REDFISH or the 8 DEALFISH though the A in GRAPH. But I played off FISHED for 60 points, hooking my S to HADJEE, with the F on the TLS through a DWS. Two turns later my rack is ACOPS??. I hunt around for a bingo that will hook the S to GRAPH and puts the C or the P in the sixth spot on the DLS. I finally found CArhOPS for 86. Kevin draws a bunch of crap and I'm able to shut down the board. 4-3, 381-317.

After day one, I'm 4-3, and in third place behind Andy and Steve who are both 6-1.

Game 8 – Roger Cullman

Roger is my second-most played opponent, behind Vera Bigall. Roger bingoes first with PRETEND but I come right back with OOGE(N)IES which Roger holds but does not challenge. He then plays SHOFAR for 48, which I hold. Roger is notorious for phoneys. Good thing I didn't challenge. I play HOOF for 33 and then bingo with AWAITER(S), which Roger holds but doesn't challenge. Even though I know my hooks, I wasn't 100% sure on AWAITERS but he let it go. The game was close until I played BARBS for 38, hooking the S to HOOF for HOOFS, which Roger challenged. That let me take a lead and win. 5-3, 439-320.

Game 9 – Hilda Schlechter

Until this game, Hilda had been my "Scrabble Daddy" (I had never yet won a game with her.) My opening rack was PRATTLE for 74 but Hilda comes right back with cHANCED, hooking the D to PRATTLE for 85. Three turns later I have the nicest bingo of the tournament. My rack was EELSSTZ and through the P in PRATTLE, I played S(P)ELTZES for 88. Hilda bingoes with DaNGLER but I come back with OTA(L)GIES, which she holds but does not challenge. That gave me a 100-point lead. I followed with OAKUM for 40 and QI for 31 giving me my first win against Hilda, 6-3, 494-381.

Game 10 – Lisa Kessler (second time)

Lisa and I trade early bingos in this rematch. I played ASC(R)IBE and Lisa counters with MASTERS. Lisa gets a 90-point lead until I play ADORNIN(G) for 70, but putting the A in the triple row with a blank unseen. Lisa then attempts DIABLO(S)* which Gene Tzyska had played against me a couple years ago and I knew it was phony. I make a 30-point play to bring me within 10 points, but she comes back with a 30-point play of her own and I have junky tiles at the end. 6-4, 355-388.

So, going into the two KOTH rounds, I'm at 6-4. Andy and Steve are both at 8-2, and they've already played twice as well. There was some kerfuffle about whether or not Andy and Steve should play again in round 11 because they're both two full games ahead of the pack. John Chew (who was not at the tournament all weekend) showed up to settle the matter. Andy and Steve did play in round 11.

Game 11 – Mad Palazzo (second time)

I get out another phony bingo in this game. My rack was EIRSUU?. I could have played USURIEs but instead elected to play U(N)InSURE* as a double-double for 78, which Mad does not challenge. Turns out UNINSURED is good but not U(N)INSURE*. I get the other blank and play FREAkI(E)R for 61, giving me an 80-point lead. I then shut down the board for Mad's potential bingos. Low scoring game. 7-4, 348-300.

Game 12 – Roger Cullman (second time)

Andy and Steve are both 9-2 at this point and guaranteed first and second place. Roger and I are both 7-4, so we're playing for third and fourth.

My opening rack is RANTING. Roger pulls out to an early lead scoring 54 for PEEP and then immediately 68 for ANOXIA. I double-blank bingo with SKAkIlY for 89 but he comes right back with COUNTIN(G). The game goes back and forth until the very end. With one tile in the bag, my rack is ADEIRST and the unseen tile pool is ABEEEIQY. My only bingo would have had to be a nine-letter word through -RE-. Roger has the lead 357-339. After several minutes of thinking, Roger passes his turn. Through the (RE), I play TI(RE)DER for 29, leaving AS on my rack. Roger holds for a while. After a minute I announce that I am going to draw my "provisional tile"... it's the Q. There's an I open (the one I just played), and there's also an open U on the board for me to play QUA if he blocks that. Roger plays BYE for 26. The score is now 374-383 in Roger's favour. I play Q(U)A for 22 (Q on the DLS) clinching victory. Roger now has AEEI on his rack. He plays a phony three-letter word, and I go out with my S. Win 408-383.

A pretty good tournament all in all. I lost 90 rating points in Mississauga, gained back 24 in Guelph and another 60 or so this weekend. Before Mississauga I was 1427 and now I'm 1421, so I'm only down six now.

Other interesting tidbit:

Entry fee for Mississauga: $50.00
Entry fee for Guelph: $25.00
Entry fee for Oshawa: $70.00

Total: $145.00

Winnings in Guelph: $70.00
Winnings in Oshawa: $75.00

Total $145.00

So I played 31 games of Scrabble in the last two weekends, and the only "cost" was my gas and buying my supper at the pub in Guelph. Apart from that, I broke even.

You take the high road and I'll take the TOLL ROAD

Fri, 15 May 2009 17:16:19 GMT

So here in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) we have a highway called the 407ETR (Express Toll Route). Because it's a toll road (and the tolls can be quite exorbitant actually), it's much less travelled than, say the 401 or the Gardiner (the main east-west highways (free) in Toronto.

It typically takes me 45-60 minutes to get to my seminary class at Tyndale Seminary (and it's only about 20 kms). The traffic is bumper to bumper the whole way.

So last night, just for giggles, I took the 427 (the north-west highway at the western border of Toronto) up to the 407ETR and then took the 407 to Bayview Avenue to school. Instead of 45-60 minutes, I got to school in about 20-25 minues.

It will cost me $7.50 to drive those 20 kms (see how exorbitant it is?), because I don't have a transponder in the car -- I have to pay an extra fee for the cameras to read my licence plate. If I have a transponder, the toll would drop to about $4.00. There's a monthly fee of about $1.50 to have the transponder... so one or two uses and it pays for itself. So I've ordered one.

I figure it's worth the $4.00 or so (twice a week this summer, and then once a week from September to April 2010) to save me the time and hassle. After that, I probably won't use the 407 ever again... nor would I use it any other time except to go to class.

Time IS money, after all...

The best of times/the worst of times...

Mon, 11 May 2009 12:59:42 GMT

This past weekend I played in two Scrabble tournaments... "Silly Saturday" in Mississauga on Saturday (13 games in one day) and then Guelph (six games) on Sunday.

Less than 48 hours before Silly Saturday was to start, they changed the divisions slightly and I was ONCE AGAIN stuck as the very top seed in Division 2.

And I finished DEAD LAST. Went 4-9 -700+. Never found my zone the whole day. The only four games I won, at least three of them I drew the bag on my opponent. Or I might have lost even more.

Lost about 90 rating points as a result...

And having finished dead last in Cambridge a few weeks ago, I have dropped from 1470 to 1350 in the course of two tournaments.

As a result, I was also the top seed in Division 2 in Guelph on Sunday... and proceeded to go 5-0 before losing in the KOTH game (just like Lake George). But my spread was pretty much insurmountable and I win first place and $70.00.

Cost of Mississauga $50.00
Cost of Guelph $25.00 (plus $15.00 for supper at the pub)

Winnings: $70.00

So at least I pretty much broke even.

Next weekend is Oshawa...

OK, I'm totally peeved

Sat, 02 May 2009 13:15:23 GMT

I have a software program on my computer called "Safe Eyes". It's a blocker/filter program that protects from pornographic or other undesirable web sites. Long story, but it was something I needed to have, and not just because of the porn.

Well, about two or three days ago, the newest version of Safe Eyes downloaded onto my computer and now, all of a sudden Sympatico e-mail is a blocked website because it's "free email" and could be "pornographic"... I have no access to my Sympatico e-mail AT ALL for the next two or three days.

A friend of mine has the "master passwords" for Safe Eyes, so until he comes over (Monday) to solve this issue, I can't access my e-mail at all (unless I go to an internet cafe or something).

How utterly ridiculous.

Happy Sectile Day!

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 13:03:50 GMT

Once upon a time, on November 24, 2006, there was a Scrabble flashcard. And the alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “1” on the bottom of that card. He would look at that card again on the next day.

On November 25, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “2” on the bottom of that card. He would look at that card again in two days.

On November 27, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “3” on the bottom of that card. He would look at that card again in three days.

On November 30, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “4” on the bottom of that card. He would look at that card again in five days.

On December 5, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “5” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for seven days.

On December 12, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “6” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 11 days.

On December 23, 2006, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “7” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 17 days.

On January 9, 2007, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put an “8” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 25 days.

On, February 3, 2007, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “9” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 37 days.

On March 12, 2007, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put an “A” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 56 days.

On May 7, 2007, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “B” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 85 days.

On July 31, 2007, Joseph saw the flash card again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “C” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 129 days.

On December 7, 2007, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put a “D” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 193 days.

On June 17, 2008, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put an “E” on the bottom of that card. He would not see this card again for 291 days.

On April 4, 2009, Joseph saw the flashcard again. The alphagram was CEEILST.

And Joseph said: “I know this word. It’s SECTILE. It has no hooks.” And Joseph put an “F” on the bottom of that card. He will not see this card again for 437 days, June 15, 2010.

HAPPY SECTILE DAY to all my Scrable friends... And yes, andysaunders, I am still alive and did not leap to my death.

Cell phone update...

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:04:37 GMT

So here's the deal...

I somehow got subscribed to some "premium text message" service. I was receiving trivia questions every couple days by text message. And as it turns out Fido was dinging me TWO DOLLARS every time I would get one of these (regardless of whether or not I even responded).

So this is the reason why I was running out of airtime minutes within a week for the last two months and having to buy extra pre-paid minutes.

The customer service representative I had from Fido today (thanks Matt... I always make sure I get a person's name) was really helpful. He helped me figure out how to stop getting those...

Heck, he even helped me figure out how to set up my phone (roaming) for when I'm in the US... mind you, long distance would cost me $2.50 a minute plus air time... but at least I'd have that luxury if I were in the US and absolutely needed it. I actually figured that I didn't have any service at all (except to call 9-1-1) but I actually do.

So all that being said, it sure looks like pre-paid is still my best bet.

Yeah, I pay more for long distance, but the amount I'd use it... it's still going to serve me well...

GCN - Really struggling...

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 17:32:22 GMT

I've been really struggling lately with my role on GCN (www.gaychristian.net).

I want to do a quick re-cap of something before saying what's on my heart.

On GCN there are two distinct "camps" as it were.

Side A
Side A represents the vast majority of GCN. Approximately 95% to 98%. These are men and women whose study of the Bible has led them to believe that God does not condemn homosexuality in the context of a committed monogamous relationship. They still hold (for the most part) to the Scriptural view that sex is a gift from God, and that gift is to be part of a marriage relationship (and not before). Just as any conservative Christian would say in the heterosexual context. People on Side A attend a wide variety of churches from Catholic to Anglican to MCC to Presbyterian to Eastern Orthodox traditions (some of which would be gay affirming churches while some are not).

Even if the denominations or traditions they are part of do not agree with homosexuality, that is where they call home.

Others have had to move to other churches where they could be affirmed in their homosexuality.

Side B
Then there's Side B. This group makes up only about 2% to 5% of the population of GCN but are welcomed and affirmed on GCN as much as their Side A sisters and brothers.

These men and women label themselves as gay. They are not tying to overcome their homosexuality (as I had for 20 years). They embrace their orientation. But they also hold to a very traditional view of Scripture. They believe that sexual acts are reserved for marriage (just as Side A people do) but they hold to the traditional view that marriage is reserved for one man and one woman. The "traditional clobber passages" in Scripture that speak of the condemnation of homosexuality… these people would agree with those passages.

And as such, Side B people are committed to a life of celibacy. Numerous Catholics and Eastern Orthodox Christians are part of Side B, as are people from other Protestant traditions.

I should point out that Side B differs from what is called Side X -- or the whole "ex-gay" movement… where homosexuality needs to be overcome, eradicated, and removed, and gradually and eventually replaced by the heterosexual reality that is innate inside every human being.

Side B people, as I said above, don't live that anymore. They accept and affirm themselves as gay men and lesbians. They're not looking to change.

***********************************************************************

OK, so back in October 2008 when I posted this, I asked "Which do you think I am?"

Well, I'm Side B. My convictions have not waned since I came to GCN almost a year ago now (May 1, 2008).

This is where my journey has taken me...

Three years ago, I was still very much "ex-gay" (Side X). If you had asked me what I thought of "gay Christians" (and at that time the only thing I would have known about was "pro-gay theology" [what I suppose I would now call Side A]), I would have told you that they weren't even Christians at all. I would have doubted their very salvation, and would have said they were all going to hell.

Truly, three years ago, I would have said that.

Eighteen months ago, I suddenly became Side B (even though I still didn't know what Side B was, nor had I even heard of GCN yet). And I became acquainted with someone who obviously loved the Lord with his whole heart, but who was married to his same-sex partner. It rocked my world. Previously, my only contact with "gay Christians" had been in either an MCC or another "very liberal and barely Christian mainline denomination".

So, here I was... would I doubt or even deny "J's" salvation? Would I say he wasn't a Christian and was going to hell? I couldn't say that anymore. I might still doubt his salvation, but I could see his love for the Lord. All I knew was that it wasn't for me to judge. All I knew was that HE'S WRONG and he obviously is being duped by the devil.

That is what I would have said 18 months ago.

Two months ago, I went to the GCN conference. And I stood there worshipping and praising and singing and "shouting amens!" and praying alongside the very people I had been condemning to hell just three years earlier.

Now I know beyond any doubt, these people are my brothers and sisters in Christ (and I know that at least two of you are reading this right now, as Side A members of GCN who have a LiveJournal).

And I love you all. It's my joy and privilege to call you my brothers and sisters.

But where does that leave me? I mean, if I'm saying I'm Side B, does that mean I still think "THEY'RE WRONG!"? That almost sounds too harsh now. But if I have to examine my heart in all this, then the answer (for me personally) is yes, "they're wrong"...

So now I throw this question out... where can Christians agree to disagree and where can't we (i.e. where do people follow the Scriptural command to "break fellowship"?)

Immersion baptist or sprinkling (of infants even, egad!) There are plenty of both of those people in the world (both on GCN as gay Christians and in the "straight world" as well. If you take it in starkest terms, somebody's right and somebody's wrong. Aren't they? And yet we have fellowship with each other.

Transubstantiation, consubstantiation, memorial feast... all these views of the Lord's Supper. Plenty of all of these people. Somebody's right and somebody's gotta be wrong. Aren't they? And yet we have fellowship with each other.

We agree to disagree on things like this. I wouldn't see a need to break fellowship with people as a result (although I know a man who has... he says that if you're not immersed as an adult, you aren't a Christian. Period. End of discussion... and he won't have anything to do with you and you are going to hell!)

But I start to wonder... are there areas (like, say, the whole question of sexuality) where there should be a "break fellowship"? I don't know. Again, I'm risking sounding very harsh, but this is where I am right now. 1 Corinthians 5 lists a bunch of different "wicked people" (and sexually immoral peole are among them on the list) and says "If someone calls himself a brother and yet does these things, do not even eat with such a man."

This past week there was a very divisive post by someone on GCN, saying they feel sorry for Side B people and when are we going to "come to our senses" and move over to Side A. It was very angry and unkind.

And yet, when Side B people stand up for ourselves and hold to the traditional, conservative view of Scripture and condemn same-sex "sex", we're the ones seen as the bad guys.

I've begun to feel like a second-class citizen on GCN, and I'm almost ready to walk away.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Pre-Paid or Monthly Plan

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:14:29 GMT

OK, so here's the deal. I've had "pre-paid" monthly vouchers with Fido (that's my cell phone carrier) for well over three years now. I pay $10.00 a month (plus taxes). I only use my cell phone for emergencies, really. It's there in case I need it... or for sending sporadic text messages to a few friends.

For this $10.00 a month I get:

- 30 cents a minute (billed by the MINUTE, so thus a four-second call actually costs me 30 cents (one minute).
- When I check my voice mail, it still costs me 30 cents per minute, billed by the minute).

- I receive text messages for free.

- I sent text messages within Canada for 10 cents each.

- I send text messages to the US (rare) for 20 cents each.

- Call display and voice mail are included.

Once in awhile I run out of time in a month and I need to buy a second $10.00 voucher.

Drawbacks:

- It's 30 cents a minute... billed by the minute.

- I have no roaming. Once I cross the Canada/US border (which I do, three or four times a year) I have no service whatsoever.

So I'm thinking about going to a monthly plan. The cheapest one is $15.00 a month (well, there's a one-time $25 change over fee, but forget that for the moment).

For $15.00 a month, I get:

- 50 minutes a month, billed by the second.

- 50 text messages (sending).

- I still receive all text messages free

That's it. If I want call display and/or voice mail, I have to pay extra for it. If I want one of the two, it's $6.00 a month. If I want both, that's $10.00 a month...

So now, all of a sudden, a $15.00 monthly plan becomes $21.00, or $25.00.

With regard to roaming... yeah, my phone would now work if I was in the US, but they really charge you up the wazoo for it... but I'd have it if I needed it.

There's also a $20.00/month plan. It's identical to the $15.00/month plan with the exception that over and above the 50 minutes you get per month, evenings and weekends are FREE (for making local calls, that is).

So I'm thinking... do I really need voice mail? Probably not. But I think I would like call display... but not necessary.

So what do you all think? Should I go with a monthly plan? Is $15.00 a month (without any frills) a better deal than $10.00 a month on the pre-paid to get the extra text messages and the extra minutes (which, truthfully, I might never use at all)!

To give you an idea, I put a $10 voucher on my phone on February 27, and I'm already down to $5.00... but that's because I made a couple calls I needed to make and sent a few text messages.

Looking for many opinions here. Feel free to ask any questions.

Nothing to fix...

Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:54:04 GMT

So... not a long post this time, but an important one.

After returning from the GCN conference in California, I had a really good chat by phone with one of the guys I met there.

I shared some of my story with him, how I had spent fifteen long years in therapy, counselling, ex-gay ministries, support groups, you name it, begging God to make me straight... in an attempt to "fix me."

The conference helped me realize... there wasn't anything to fix. I didn't need to be fixed.

And I'm so glad I'm not on that hamster wheel anymore.

I'm baaaaack...

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:06:50 GMT

It's been a couple months since my last entry... but that's about to change.

I atteneded the GCN (gaychristian.net) conference in Anaheim, California last week. A whole week in the sun and surf (and Disneyland). Made so many new friends from all over the world... guys just like me -- people who love Jesus Christ with their whole lives, and who are also gay.

I even dare to say I met "someone special" while there too... we'll have to see.

But I've got so much to tell and share. So there'll be more posts now.

Meme

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 21:30:14 GMT

I got 82.

Level 1
() smoked a cigarette
(X) smoked a cigar
() smoked weed
(X) kissed a member of the same sex
(X) drank alcohol
SO FAR: 3

Level 2
(X) said "i love you" to someone
(X) had a pet die
() shoplifted
(X) been fired
() been in a fist fight
() fell down a mountain
SO FAR: 6

Level 3
(X) snuck out of a parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
() been arrested
() made out with a stranger
() gone out on a blind date
(X) lied
SO FAR:9

Level 4
(X) had a crush on an older person
(X) skipped school
(X) slept with a co-worker/school mate
() seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 12

Level 5
() had/have a crush on one of your facebook friends
() been to Paris
() been to Spain
(X) been on a plane
(X) thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 14

Level 6
(X) eaten Sushi
(X) been snowboarding/skiing
() met someone BECAUSE of facebook
() been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 16

Level 7
( ) been in an abusive relationship
(X) taken pain killers
(X) love/like someone who you can't have
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
SO FAR: 20

Level 8
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up
SO FAR: 25

Level 9
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
(X) cheated while playing a game
(X) fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 29

Level 10
() used a fake/someone else's ID
(X) watched the sunset
() felt an earthquake
() killed a snake
SO FAR: 30

Level 11
(X) been tickled
(X) been robbed/vandalized
() robbed someone/vandalized
(X) been misunderstood
(X) pet a deer
SO FAR: 34

Level 12
(X) won a contest
() been suspended from school
(X) had detention
(X) been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 37

Level 13
( ) had/have braces
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja vu
() danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 38

Level 14
(X) hated the way you look
(X) witnessed a crime
() pole danced
(X) questioned your heart
() Been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 41

Level 15
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
() been to the opposite side of the world
(X) swam in the ocean/gulf/lake
() felt like you were dying
SO FAR: 44

Level 16
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
() recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(X) sang karaoke.
(X) paid with only coins
SO FAR: 48

Level 17
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 52

Level 18
(X) written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) been kissed under a mistletoe
() watched the sunset with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 56

Level 19
() crashed a party
(X) have traveled more than 5 hours with a car/bus full of people
(X) gone rollerskating/blading
(X) had a wish come true
SO FAR: 59

Level 20
() worn pearls
() jumped off a bridge
() Screamed 'PENIS' in class
() gone swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 59

Level 22
() got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer
() kissed a fish
(X) worn the opposite sex's clothes
(X) sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 61

Level 23
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
() done/attempted a one-handed cartwheel
(X) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) stayed up all night
SO FAR: 64

Level 24
() picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
(X) had/been in a tree house
(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone
SO FAR: 67

Level 25
() believe in ghosts
() have/had more then 30 pairs of shoes
() gone streaking
() been in jail
SO FAR: 67

Level 26
(X) played chicken
(X) been pushed/jumped into a pool with all your clothes on
() been told you're hot by a complete stranger
() broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
SO FAR: 70

Level 27
() caught a fish then ate it later
(X) made or been in a video
() caught a butterfly
() laughed so hard you cried
() cried so hard you laughed
SO FAR: 71

Level 28
(X) mooned/flashed someone
(X) had someone moon/flash you
(X) cheated on a test
(X) forgotten someone's name
(X) slept naked
() French braided someone's hair
(X) gone skinny dipping in a pool
() been kicked out of your house
SO FAR: 77

Level 29
(X) Rode a rollercoaster
() went scuba-diving/snorkeling
(X) had a cavity
() Black-mailed someone
() been black mailed
SO FAR: 79

Level 30
(X) fell going up the stairs
( ) licked a cat/dog
() played hide and seek within the last 3 years
(X) bitten someone
(X) licked someone
TOTAL: 82

Buying Milk

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 00:28:08 GMT

So I'm moved into my new apartment. The basement dungeon of the last six years is no more and I'm now on the 18th floor in a high rise.

Tonight I went to the Hasty Market to buy milk. In my old building I bought milk at Beckers in jugs. It was cheaper in jugs than bags (for those of you in the US, milk is mostly sold in bags in Canada (or at least in Ontario) and you put it into a pitcher.

You can buy one-litre cartons and two-litre cartons, but four-litres (about a gallon) comes in bags.

Well, I don't own a milk pitcher anymore, so I was going to buy a 2-litre carton of milk.

Price: $4.49

That's how much a GALLON (4-litre) jug cost at Beckers. So I asked the guy, "How much is the four-litre bags?" And he said, "Same price. Packaging costs more, and the company loses money on the bags."

Well, my gosh... I put the 2-litre carton back and I bought the bags, and put the milk in a juice pitcher. How can 2-litres and 4-litres be the same price.

Idiotic.

How to spend my Lake George winnings...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:23:42 GMT

OK, now it's decided.

Every January, GCN (gaychristian.net) holds an annual conference. In January 2009, it's going to be in Anaheim, California. I have already checked out a couple place to get a really cheap flight from Buffalo, NY to LAX in Los Angeles for less than $200.00 round trip. And the hotel is cheap... I'd share a room with three other guys.

So I started thinking about it. Maybe I could spend my Lake George winnings and go to the conference.

But something I just found out five minutes ago completely sealed the deal.

RAY BOLTZ IS COMING AND SINGING IN CONCERT AT THE CONFERERNCE!

I'm so excited. I'm going to Disneyland! (truly, I am, the conference is right next door).

I'm so excited I can barely breathe right now. RAY BOLTZ! I'm going to get to see him live after he came out!

No MOO...

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:19:50 GMT

Well, I've had to make a very difficult decision.

I've been asked to be part of a full-day, eight-hour workshop/conference called "Sexual Identity and the Local Church". It's a workshop for pastors and their churches to help reach out to gay Christians.

As a gay Christian man (and seminary student to boot), this is an opportunity I just can't pass up. Here's the "short version" of the conference...

"Sexual Identity & the Local Church: Equipping for Effective Engagement" is focused on interactive, participant centered learning. Rather than spoon-feeding tired, black and white, theoretical answers, this experience will be a catalyst for courageous conversations, critical thinking and strategic implementation to make the Canadian church a safer place for integral mission and effective ministry with those addressing personal matters of sexual identity. With a strong relational focus, participants will engage real case studies, wrestle with the use of bridge-building language, and analyze and address attitudinal barriers within their communities.

The only problem is that the conference is on Saturday, November 16... the same weekend as the Mississauga Ontario Open (MOO) Scrabble tournament.

I've decided to opt for the workshop. This is too big for me to miss. There'll always be another tournament. A conference like this only comes along once. The very fact that something like this is going to be held at all is phenomenal.

So... no MOO. Sorry gang.