OK, I gotta know if this happens to anyone else...

I'm pissed off... LITERALLY!

So you're using the bathroom "taking a dump"... you don't need to pee, you just need to "take a dump."

So you finish your business, flush, stand up, and then what... of course you wash your hands. AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS? The act of washing your hands NOW YOU HAVE TO PEE!!!

But you didn't have to go 30 seconds ago... so now you have to unzip, and use the bathroom once again... and wash your hands again.

I think I'm gonna start washing my hands BEFORE using the bathroom. GEEZ!

Well, I finally did it. After working in a corporate atmosphere for nearly two decades, last night I did something I'd never done before.

I picked up my home phone, ready to dial a local number, and hit "9"... And no, I was going to dial a 905 area code...

This Sunday, October 11, will mark the second anniversary of my coming out of the closet. I've never been so happy in all my life. I still can't fathom how or why I spent so many years I spent in denial, self-hatred, and self-rejection.

But not anymore.

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone!

OK, so I'm back home in Toronto after a five-day trip to Portland, Oregon.

I went to the GCN (gaychristian.net) Pacific Northwest regional gathering. What a beautiful city (and surrounding area).

Went to Multnomah Falls (absolutely breathtaking), the Oregon coast (Cannon Beach) and all around downtown Portland.

There were about 30 people there (all male except for a lesbian couple) from all over Oregon, Washington, British Columbia... and a handful of us from across the continent.

And uh... I'm smitten. One of the guys out there has stolen my heart. Now what? I went down this road last year (just before Lake George). But last year it wasn't mutual when I had a major crush on someone... this time it just might be more mutual...


Sigh. These things aren't supposed to happen.

1. I'm Side B. I can't get into a relationship!
2. He's in another country and on the other side of the continent.

I'm a love-sick puppy.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my cell phone usage and my internet usage lately.

I have FIDO as my cell phone provider. I called their customer service centre last night and got some really good information.

I have a “pay as you go” plan, where I typically buy at $10.00 phone card every month. I pay 30 cents a minute (paid by the minute – thus, a five-second call is billed as one minute). I also pay 15 cents for every text message sent to cell phones in Canada, and 25 cents for every text message sent to U.S. (or international) cell phones. Received text message from Canada or the U.S. are free.

If I am on vacation in the U.S., the cost of using my phone is ridiculous (over $2.00 a minute because of the roaming charges) and 75 cents per text message, regardless of whether or not I'm texting to Canada or the U.S.

All that sounds pretty exorbitant, but I use my cell phone for emergencies only, so it served me well.

As of late, however, I've been texting people, especially American friends, much more frequenly, costing me a quarter a pop.

So...

FIDO has two different “flat fee” text message plans (that can be activated or deactivated as often as I wish) where I would pay 50 cents per day, and send unlimited text messages within Canada, or a second plan, independent of the first, where I can send up to 15 text messages per day to U.S. phone numbers for 50 cents a day.

As such, with the Canadian plan, after three text messages in one day, the rest are “free” so to speak. With the U.S. plan, after two text messages in a day, the rest are “free” so to speak.

This American plan might be a worthwhile investment. I’m going to look into it.



With regard to my internet usage, I currently have the “bare bones” DSL internet option with Bell Canads (Sympatico), where I pay $29.95 a month.

Some of you know and others don't that I have a timer/filter on my computer that restricts the amount of time I can spend on line, and at what time of day. My friend John asked me if I'm really getting my money's worth paying $30.00 a month if I'm only going to have such a tight rein on my Internet usage.

So... I called Bell Sympatico's customer service centre last night (and got Harsheesh... Bell CANADA's help line is in India or Pakistan).

The one question the rep couldn't answer for me is whether or not I'm locked into some sort of contract with my Internet provider. I seem to recall that I'm on a two-year contract, which would mean I have to wait until January 2010.

Regardless... I wanted to find out what other options might be available. I did some website searching before calling.

I mused with the idea of considering switching back to dial-up (eek!) and find out how much it would cost me. As it turns out, dial-up with Sympatico is $26.95 a month – just three dollars less than dial-up. Obviously that’s not the way to go.

I inquired what the cost would be just to have a Sympatico e-mail address (and look elsewhere for a service provider, be it dial-up or high speed). That would be $10.00 a month.

Before coming to Sympatico, my service provider was Juno, and that cost me a mere $10.00 a YEAR (but on dial-up). I am going to look up that information and find out if it’s considerably cheaper.

I’ll keep you posted. Right now, that savings might be worth it, or it might not.

On Friday after work, I will be meeting “Person X” downtown Toronto for supper.

After supper, “Person X” and I will be going to the theatre to see “The Sound of Music” together.

After the play, “Person X” and I are going out for dessert.

After dessert, “Person X” and I will return back to my apartment, where “Person X” will spend the night.

I am in no way related to “Person X” (by blood, that is), nor is “Person X” of a completely different generation than I am. In fact, I met “Person X” on the internet.

Does that sound like a “date” to you?

My blog entry for today is actually part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers posting simultaneously today on the topic “Bridging the Gap” between various groups of people on the topic of faith and sexuality. I would encourage you to check out the host blog (and the links to all the other synchro-bloggers). Go to http://www.btgproject.blogspot.com

Among the people who are blogging today are Christians and non-Christians, both gay and straight. Among the gay Christians, there are people who support Side A, Side B, and/or Side X. (I’ve discussed that terminology in previous entries here on my LiveJournal). For those of you who found my blog through the host BTG site, you can scroll back through all my blog entries on Scrabble and find other entries regarding my faith journey).

The base question is this: “How can we embody mutual honour and respect in our conversations and relationships with those with whom we disagree on the topic of homosexuality?”

I am an openly gay man who holds to a Side B belief (i.e. I affirm my orientation to be homosexual and still hold the conservative/traditional view of the bible, wherein I believe that sexual intercourse is a gift from God, reserved exclusively for a married couple, and no one else – and further that marriage is a gift from God, reserved exclusively for one man and one woman, and no one else.

As such, as you can well imagine, I am in a very small minority in the gay Christian community (let alone the gay community as a whole).

Some of my dearest and closest friendships have been made with Side A gay Christians on GCN (http://www.gaychristian.net ). I had a post here on my LiveJournal a few months ago in which I said that even three years ago, I would have said those people were all condemned to hell. How arrogant on my part that was! Yes, I (still) disagree with their theology but I have journeyed alongside these brothers and sisters in Christ (yes, that is what they are!) and count it a privilege to call them my friends. Heck, I’ve even had my own theology challenged from time to time and am grateful for it.

I’m really blessed to be part of GCN (as mentioned above). The leadership there (Hi Justin!) often takes great pains to make sure that both Side A and Side B are full partners in this online ministry. Not easy at all when you consider that the “balance” of Side A and Side B is actually about 95% to 5% (in Side A’s favour). But bridges are being built there. As I said, my closest GCN friends aren’t even the other few Side B’ers I know, but Side A’ers.

The Church (capital-C) today is truly in a quandary. Even as a Side B’er, I’m often misunderstood by churches. They somehow assume that even by the very fact that I affirm my orientation as homosexual that I’m already living in grievous sin. It’s pretty difficult to educate churches on this matter. Heaven knows that even I used to see only two possible options – (1) pray the gay away or (2) totally embrace pro-gay theology. Neither seemed plausible to me. I tried option #1 for 15 years to no avail. I sometimes wish that I could sit down with church pastors in various denominations that I’ve been a part of – denominations that would only affirm the “ex-gay” (Side X) stance and nothing else (read: “pray the gay away”) and tell them my story. That’s where the first bridge needs to be built. I’m willing to bet that these churches as well believe that my two options listed above are the only possible ones. If they heard my story, maybe they’d understand there’s a “third way” (i.e. “Side B”). But that’s a long time coming, no doubt.

I can barely imagine how many other men and women there are sitting in conservative churches and who have “suffered in silence” and have never been able to share their “struggle” or “journey” with anyone. It makes me weep. It’s a story that needs to be told. Far too often, sadly, what happens is that the person walks away from faith altogether. One of my closest gay Scrabble friends did just that – grew up in a solid Christian home, came out of the closet, and has since completely rejected his Christian faith. Way too sad. How do I act as part of the solution so that this doesn’t happen with other gay Christians?

How do we tear down those walls? Last time I looked in the Yellow Pages, Joshua and his trumpets weren’t available! LOL!

It starts with an open and willing heart. And probably an addiction to caffeine (i.e. meeting for coffee!) Being purposeful of choosing to make the time, sitting down, and journeying with people. I tell my story and engage them in hearing theirs. Iron sharpens iron, right? Where is that? Somewhere in Proverbs, likely.

I confess, however, that I used to be guilty of finger-pointing at my Side A brothers and sisters because I don’t agree not only with their theology but with their relationships (i.e. monogamous same-sex marriages). But, to quote a Side B sister of mine on “that’s wall terminology.” Boundaries might be proper, but walls never are.

I remember one year at Advent, while lighting the candle for “peace” having a pastor say from the pulpit these words, VERBATIM: “You’re either part of the solution or you’re part of the problem. What are you, a peacemaker or a shit disturber?” I kid you not. The pastor actually said those exact words from the pulpit.

I came out of the closet a little more than 18 months ago at the age of 39. Since then, I’ve had to be purposeful in being part of the solution.

I know that at least two Side A GCN’ers have LiveJournals and are reading this. Hear me, brothers. There needs to be more solutions and fewer problems. Let’s journey together. Let iron sharpen iron. Two are better than one (Ecclesiastes). Let’s bridge the gap.

OK, so now there's a new twist to what I just wrote about earlier today.

I got home from work this afternoon and there's a message on my home answering machine from my doctor's office.

For the first time in my life, I have high cholesterol. And my doctor wants to see me back in his office next week or the week after at the latest. I've never had problems with my cholesterol my whole life... but now it's high.

First I have to radically change my diet just to help me sleep better and be more alert during the day... and now, well, it looks like it'll be double whammy.

Ain't turning 40 lovely? For those of you who haven't yet... look out!

So, I've made a pretty radical decision. I've been absolutely exhausted the last few months. No matter how early I get to bed, I don't get enough sleep.

If I go to bed early, then I'll wake up at 3:00am and not get back to sleep. Or sometimes, I'll just go to bed and toss and turn for hours and not fall sleep until the wee hours, and not get enough sleep. Then I'm tired and sluggish all day at work.

After consulting with my GP, there are two things that are taking place.

First, I'm on medication that will help me sleep. It's part muscle relaxant and part anti-depressant (and not habit-forming either).

Second, and this is the bigger one: I need to radically and totally change my eating habits... in major ways.

1. No more fast food. None. Zip. No Mickey Dee's, no pizza, no KFC, no fast food. Period.

2. I'm going to cut pop (soda) out of my diet completely, and in particular caffeinated ones (Pepsi). I'll be drinking a lot more water. A LOT more water.

3. No more junk food, especially greasy foods like potato chips (and for those of you who know me well, this will be a big sacrifice – I love chips!) Same thing with most cookies and other junk like that.

4. A LOT more fruit and vegetables. It’ll mean extra prep time making meals, but I’ve got to make some big changes in my diet.

The Pepsi is being cut out immediately. The rest of all those foods I’m weaning myself off of until what I have in the house is eaten up. Then everything changes.

Anyone who has known me long enough will know that I'm a big fan of Garfield comic strips.

Today, June 19, is Garfield's birthday. He's 31 years old... not bad for a cat, eh?

The unthinkable has happened in the last year. Jon Arbuckle, the nerdy eternal bachelor has a girlfriend!! Simply amazing. I'm actually hoping it lasts.

Here's to another 30 years Garfield... Jon... Odie... Pooky (the teddy bear)... Liz (Jon's girlfriend)... and all the rest!